


alcohol and blankets

by autistic_nightfury



Series: things i keep on the shelf of my heart [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Age Regression/De-Aging, Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Issues, Depression, Dissociation, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Self-Hatred, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 09:36:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18443885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autistic_nightfury/pseuds/autistic_nightfury
Summary: “Baby doesn’t have to be useful to be loved.”





	alcohol and blankets

**Author's Note:**

> (this is the fourth in a series, and doesnt rlly work as a stand alone, so you should read those before this one) additional warnings for this story: chan has a mild panic attack, he dissociates pretty badly and ends up age regressing, he tries to force himself to give woojin a blowjob out of weird guilt but woojin doesnt let him, i think thats it???? if anyone finds anything that you think should be warned for, please comment and tell me
> 
> good luck??

He stopped answering his mother’s calls all the time.

Chan got happier that way.

 

“You’re coming to the party right? And bringing your boy?” Minho asked, nudging him with his elbow. Woojin nodded, more focused on not dropping the bags of vegetables he had carefully stacked in his arms. Felix chuckled at his predicament, helping him unload them into the cart.

“We probably won’t be able to stay the whole time, he’s a bit anxious with parties and new people.” Minho quirked up an eyebrow, rearranging the produce so they would have more space.

“Okay, just tell me when you’re leaving and I’ll escort you out.” Woojin sent him a grateful smile, pushing the cart up to Felix, who was holding three large soda bottles in his wobbly arms. 

 

“Hyung! My friend invited Jeongin and I to his brother’s party this weekend!” Seungmin exclaimed as soon as he sat down, Jeongin sitting down next to him with a tired smile. Chan smiled back at them, pushing over his jacket to Jeongin, who immediately buried his face in the soft material. 

“That sounds fun. Do you need help with makeup or anything?” Seungmin shook his head, unpacking his lunch and sliding a cookie wrapped in parchment paper over to Jeongin, who gratefully accepted it. 

“Hyunjin promised to help. He’s gonna dye our hair too!” Chan perked up, hand coming up to touch his own blond curls. 

“What colour?” He asked, but Seungmin just shook his head again with a smile. 

“Surprise. You’ll see next week.” Chan huffed jokingly, but his smile never left his lips the rest of the lunch. 

 

Woojin was used to how pretty Chan was. Sure, he always had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, and more often than not he skipped shaving a few days, but the way his cheek dimpled and his eyes crinkled when he smiled was blinding. 

But Chan being sexy? That was new.

“Holy shit you look hot.” Chan smiled, tugging at his button down a little. 

He had sat Woojin down on the couch, telling him to wait until he was done; he had obediently scrolled through his phone until Chan tapped him on the shoulder and told him to look up. 

A black, silky button down, paired with black, ripped skinny jeans and combat boots. The shirt was half open, revealing his chest and the dainty black harness he was wearing underneath. He had lined his eyes and filled in his eyebrows, and the sparkly gloss on his lips made him look even more seductive.

He giggled, and Woojin stood up to grab him; the younger danced away from him, and soon they were playing a game of cat and mouse, deliberately dragging it out. Chan giggled again, spinning around so his bracelets glinted in the light. Woojin finally had enough, grabbing him by the wrists and pushing him up against the wall.

“You like it that much?” Chan asked him, Woojin holding him against the wall with ease. Woojin nuzzled his face against Chan’s bare neck. 

“If we didn’t have to leave in like ten minutes I would fuck you until you were limping.” Chan whimpered at his words, but pushed him away with a shaky breath. 

“Don’t get me turned on now, that’s embarrassing.” He mumbled, and Woojin smacked his butt with a smile. 

“It’s because I love you baby.”

 

It was fine, just a few of Woojin’s friends, two of whom he had met before and who had been really nice to him. 

“Woojin hyung!” The blond with a heart shaped face - Felix - exclaimed, wrapping him into a half hug and rubbing their cheeks together. 

“Felix, calm down. You’re scaring Chan.” Minho reprimanded, and Chan relaxed his shoulders at the familiar voice. He waved at the older, who gave him a cat like smile. 

“Hi.” He said, voice suddenly small, and he felt Woojin pull him closer to his side. 

“Awe, you’re cute. I’m Jisung.” A new voice appeared next to him, and a man with bright orange hair appeared in his field of vision. He smiled, and shook Jisung’s outstretched hand.

“When will your brother and his friends be here then? And is the prince late again?” Felix asked, slumping down on the sofa and grabbing a tumbler with dark liquid in from the table.

“Ah, our prince is helping them get ready, but they’ll be here in like twenty minutes or something. Changbin is in the bathroom.” Minho answered, filling other tumblers with various liquids. Chan hesitantly sat down next to Felix, and they were quickly joined by Jisung, who was drinking from a juice box.

Minho’s coworkers were nice too, but he stuck to Felix and Jisung on the couch, when he wasn’t glued to his boyfriend. He had been handed a bottle of soju - with a wink - from the latter, and gulped down a third of it. Changbin came over and introduced himself, and they started talking more animatedly when they realised they had gone to the same middle school.

He was washing his hands in the bathroom when he heard the door open, and a familiar voice rang through the apartment.

“Minho hyung!” His breath hitched, and when he peaked out he saw three very familiar faces; Seungmin, Jeongin and Hyunjin.

“Chan hyung!” Jeongin exclaimed, and they stared at each other, the rest of the room looking on in confusion.

“Wait, you know Chan?” Changbin piped up, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Know? We go to the same school! Why didn’t you tell us you were going here too?” The entire room turned to look at Chan, but he just stepped back into the bathroom and slammed the door around him.

 

“Let me handle this.” Woojin said as he stood up, but one of the red haired boys beside Hyunjin stepped in front of him.

“Not before you tell me who you are.” Hyunjin tried to pull him away, but the younger was stubborn and held his ground. Woojin sighed heavily.

“I’m Chan’s fucking boyfriend, now can you get out of my way?” The boy was too surprised to stop him when he brushed past him, slipping into the bathroom and locking the door behind him.

Chan had curled up in the corner furthest from the door, his head buried in his hands as he hyperventilated. Woojin sunk down in front of him, carefully pulling at his wrists.

“D-Dad…” Chan was able to breathe out, and then the tears started rolling down his cheeks, his breaths becoming long and shaky. Woojin pulled him close to his chest, not caring that he was getting makeup on his jacket.

“Hey baby boy, it’s okay. Daddy’s got you.” He soothed, hand firmly on Chan’s back.

After a few minutes, Chan shook his head, pushing Woojin away to sit up straight.

“I’m fine now.” He croaked, and he winced at his voice. Woojin grabbed some toilet paper, wetting it and dabbed on Chan’s cheeks, trying to get the smeared eyeliner off.

“Those are your friends?” He asked gently, and Chan nodded. 

“Jeongin and Seungmin go to the same school as me. Hyunjin is-”

“Your hairdresser friend?” Woojin filled in, and Chan nodded again. 

“I…” Chan sighed, pushing his hand through his hair. There came a knock at the door, and Woojin stood up and unlocked it. Minho was standing outside, lips pursed in worry.

“Can he talk?” Woojin opened his mouth to answer, but then Chan’s arms were around his waist and his chin on his shoulder.

“I’m verbal.” Minho nodded, and was then pushed aside by the same red haired boy that had tried to stop Woojin earlier.

“Chan, what the fuck?!”

 

Seungmin was staring daggers at Woojin’s tense face, and Chan sighed when he stepped around his boyfriend to grab Seungmin by the arm.

“Seungmin, this is Woojin, he’s-”

“Your top secret boyfriend?” Jeongin cut in, and Chan nodded with a grimace.

“Hyung, come with me.” Seungmin grabbed him by the wrist, but was stopped by Minho putting a hand on his shoulder.

“If you want to talk you can go to my bedroom, but no shouting.” Seungmin huffed, but dragged Chan in the direction Minho had pointed, Woojin and Jeongin right on their heels.

 

“I’m Jeongin.” The red haired boy next to him said quietly, and Woojin nodded.

“So that’s Seungmin then?” Jeongin nodded. “I’m Woojin.” He didn’t have more time to speak, as they stepped into Minho’s bedroom and closed the door behind them.

Seungmin was upset, obviously, and Chan just sat down on the bed, head bowed and hands clasped. Woojin wanted to step in, because Chan looked very spaced out, but he didn’t want to step on Seungmin’s toes even more.

“Why didn’t you say you were coming?” Seungmin asked, arms crossed over his chest.

“I didn’t know we were going to the same party.” Chan muttered, picking at the sleeve of his shirt. Seungmin huffed, sitting down next to him, seemingly not noticing how the older flinched at the action.

“And  _ this _ is your boyfriend then?” Jeongin cut in, and Chan nodded, his head sinking further down.

“How old are you?” Seungmin asked after a few minutes of awkward silence. Woojin sighed, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

“Twenty seven.” He answered, and Seungmin and Jeongin looked between the two of them in slack jawed shock. 

 

He couldn’t hear anything. When he looked at his hands, they weren’t his. It wasn’t his body, it wasn’t his voice when he cried out, and nothing was real.

“Chan hyung? Are you okay?” He shook his head, trying to get away from the person next to him. There were hands on his arms, and he could only feel the way his father had held him when he had yelled at him, his disappointment at his failures.

“Don’t- I’m sorry, Dad…” He choked out. A gasp was heard next to him, and the unwanted hands were gone, replaced by a warm presence against his back.

“Dad’s here baby, it’s okay.” He leaned into the warmth, gripped onto it like it was his only lifeline.

“Daddy, I’m sorry, I messed up Daddy I’m sorry, Daddy-”

 

“What the fuck?” Seungmin whispered; Woojin pointed firmly at the door, and Jeongin grabbed him and pulled them out, apologizing quietly to Woojin before closing the door.

“Hey baby? Daddy’s here, it’s just the two of us now. We’re alone baby, it’s alright.” Chan nuzzled further into his chest, his knees shaking.

“B-bad. Baby’s bad.” Chan stuttered out, and Woojin pulled away to look at his face. The younger wasn’t crying, just shaking and staring blankly in front of him.

“You’re not bad baby, I promise.” Chan shook his head, his bottom lip shaking.

“Bad. Did bad, I’m sorry Daddy.” Woojin frowned, caressing Chan’s cheek with his thumb; he felt his stomach knit together when he flinched at the touch. 

“You didn’t do anything bad baby, it’s alright.” Chan shook his head again, more frantically, and he bit his lip.

“I’m sorry Daddy…” Woojin took a deep breath, and as he breathed out he tried to assess the situation; Chan seemed to only be able to say ‘I’m sorry’, over and over again. 

“Do you wanna go home baby? Just us.” Chan shook his head, and Woojin pursed his lips. “Is it that you don’t want to go on the bus right now?” Chan nodded, and Woojin sighed in relief. He pulled out his phone, texting Felix and telling him to bring Minho to the room.

 

Daddy was there. Daddy was safety. He was safe. 

He couldn’t let him go, even when he stood up to get off the bed. He whimpered, holding onto him as hard as he could, and he felt his stomach calm down when he was allowed to be carried. 

He was safe. 

 

The drive home was slow and quiet. Woojin had Chan curled up in his lap, who had stuck two fingers in his mouth before falling into an anxious sleep.

“Do you need help with anything? Anything we can pick up for you?” Minho asked, looking at Woojin through the rearview mirror. 

“You could heat up something for me when we get home, ‘cause I don’t think he’s gonna let go of me until he’s calmed down.” Woojin responded, and Minho nodded before turning his eyes back to the road, mouth in a thin line.

 

Chan opened his eyes, slowly realizing where he was. He groaned, pulling his blankets tighter around himself and breathing in and out deeply as he tried to remember what had happened when he had dissociated at the party.

Woojin had been there, holding onto him at all times. Minho and Felix had helped drive them home and warm some risotto for them before leaving. Woojin had fed him slowly, while shoveling food into his own mouth. Then they had showered together, and Chan…

He shook his head, trying to get the memory out of his mind.

_ “Please, I’ll be useful, I promise.” _ Woojin had looked down at him, presumably in confusion but Chan couldn’t remember how his face had looked. He hadn’t been able to see much either from where he was kneeling, water spraying over his head.

_ “Baby, please, don’t do that, you’re not in the right headspace for this.” _ Woojin had sounded like he was about to cry; Chan hadn’t understood, looking up with quivering lips and hazy eyes.

_ “B-baby be useful?” _ Woojin had pulled him up carefully, enveloping him under the hot water.

_ “Baby doesn’t have to be useful to be loved.”  _

Chan groaned again, pushing himself up in the bed and swinging his legs over the edge.

“Bear?” He shouted, and he heard shuffling before the door opened gently, and Woojin poked his head in, agitated features softening when he saw his boyfriend.

“I’ve been on the phone with Seungmin and Jeongin the entire morning. How do you have the energy to put up with them?” Chan chuckled, tired.

“I don’t, and neither do they.” He stumbled towards Woojin, who caught him with a small smile. “So did they convince you to break up with me ‘cause I’m an innocent child and you’re a disgusting old man?” Woojin let out a humourless laugh, pulling Chan with him out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

“Jeongin did say he would never let me sleep peacefully again if I hurt you, and I don’t think Seungmin likes me.” Woojin said as he picked Chan up and placed him on the counter, before turning around to the fridge. 

“Eh, they’ll warm up to you. You’re too lovable to hate.” Woojin laughed, warmer and more genuine, taking eggs and pork out and putting them next to Chan.

 

It was good to see Chan back in his own head, and Woojin couldn’t help but pull him in for a soft kiss.

“Weren’t you going to make breakfast bear?” Chan breathed out as Woojin broke away, kissing down his pale neck and nipping at his exposed collarbone.

“How about this, I’ll make breakfast quickly, then we can take a nice bath together? Use that bathbomb Minho gave me.” Chan nodded, letting out a shaky breath as Woojin mouthed at his chest, tongue poking out to lick his nipple.

“Could we save the bathbomb for another time? Wanna use that bath soak I made.” Woojin laughed, straightening up so he could cup Chan’s cheeks.

“Of course baby.” 

 

It was inevitable with them, that things would turn heated. In the beginning of their relationship, when Chan first was bold enough to try to go further, Woojin had grabbed his wrist and asked him if he knew what he was doing. He had admitted that he wasn’t really, and Woojin had given him the most emotional and loving night ever. He had cried multiple times, and every time Woojin had stopped, leaning down to comfort and kiss him until he was okay again.

He had gotten used to sex pretty quickly though, especially with Woojin’s experience. Now even the smallest things could have them shoving hands down each other’s pants.

“Fuck, Woojin.” The sound of skin slapping against skin, and the water splashing around them, was loud, echoing through the bathroom. 

“How the fuck do you take me so well, gods.” Woojin swore, gripping harder onto Chan’s already bruised hips. Chan laughed breathlessly, pruned fingers clenching around the bathtub’s edge.

“‘Cause I trust you.” Woojin stopped his aggressive rythm, leaning down to gently kiss him.

“I’m glad you do, and I’m proud of you.” Chan laughed, arching his back so he could look at Woojin properly.

“Thank you Daddy.” Woojin shuddered at his words, gripping his hair hard in retaliation.

“Dude, don’t call me Daddy while I’m fucking you.” Chan just laughed again, thrusting back at him.

“Don’t call me dude when you’re literally inside my ass.” Woojin laughed with him, pushing him down against the bathtub’s edge again.

 

It was easier to love Chan, every day. He was getting better, and Woojin knew a lot of it was because of him. He wouldn’t trade his current life for anything.

 

Chan was sure he had never been this grateful to someone in his life ever before, but there Woojin was, stealing his heart with his kindness. Even though things were hard, he could always count on Woojin.

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all, i made a nsfw twitter? i dont really know what im doing with it but its fun so far, i'm @/toothywoochan, and my curiouscat is in my profile, under the same name


End file.
